Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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