Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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