If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's official drugs can't kill me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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