i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
