Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
