I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize