yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
