My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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