it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
