How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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