my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
