I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Two words: blizzard sex
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
