what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
