she woke up with a sticky ear
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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