Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
