I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
