You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
