I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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