I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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