i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
