Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He better not be in your backpack
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
