That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize
