did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Did I show you my penis last night?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
