I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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