his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
