ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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