my vag is so smooth its legendary
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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