am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
