so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
