my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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