I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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