the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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