Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
