the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
