We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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