I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
