You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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