is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
