would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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