i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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