Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
