Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Randomize
