do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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