Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
