i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
