he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
do herpes really smell.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
