Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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