Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You may now shotgun with the bride
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
