Sponge bath it is.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
