the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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