i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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