you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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