SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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