im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I will be naked everywhere
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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