"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
