All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
