that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
