there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
