Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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