no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
