And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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