I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
