i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
