How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
