my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
