My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
