Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you traded sex for a burrito?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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