You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
