put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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