party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
