I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
