i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize