and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
