4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
