Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
is it fun? or sober?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
