I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
