Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
