so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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