im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
