I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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