Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm going to jail i love you
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
